Bring Me The Axe

Last Saturday night found me scrubbing the bathroom for the arrival of our friend Jill. It had been a while since we cleaned and there were hairs and fuzzys all over the place. As I bent over in the shower to scrub the shit out of the tub, I lost it. You see, we have these orange towels that shed everywhere, all the time. Like a dog. The entire bathroom is covered in orange fuzzies.

Let me back up a bit and explain the origin of the orange towels. They were a gift to us from Adam's mom. We never used them until we moved into our new place. A couple of days after we unpacked I decided I should wash the towels before use. I was so excited to use them because they are so soft, like being wrapped in a cloud of cotton. I figured once they were washed, they would be done shedding. WRONG! Drying my little cotton clouds was a nightmare. When I opened the dryer, orange fuzzies came flying out at me. The lint trap was filled to the brim with orange lint. "Surely there can't be any towel left with all this lint" I thought to myself. But to my enjoyment, my little orange clouds were still there.

As the weeks went on, those pretty towels continued to shed anytime they were used. It was annoying but they felt so good on my bare skin. I started to get annoyed that they left little pieces of themselves all over our apt. (I even found one in my suitcase when I opened it in Nashville one day.) They even manged to embed themselves into the other towels. Our grey and black towels even had orange fuzzies on them.

Back to last Saturday and my bathroom cleaning breakdown. I had had it with orange fuzzies. I love the towels but I did what I had to do. I turned into Joan Crawford and compulsively grabbed every last one of our gray and black towels and washed and dried them, determined to get all remnants of my little clouds out of them. I felt like Ms. Crawford when she creamed, "Tina, bring me the axe!" So that she could cut down a tree. I wanted to rid myself of anything orange and fuzzy and was going to go to any means possible to do this. And in true Joan Crawford style, I had a drink immediately after.

Till Death Do Us Part

Yesterday in the car Amanda and I were talking about things that boyfriends have done in the past that have bothered us. We both would have just laughed and been done with them. In the early stages of my relationship with Adam I was continually amazed at how I overlooked all my stupid relationship issues. I wanted to be with him all the time. I couldn't get enough of him. If he did something that I was famous for leaving a guy for, I didn't care. I was falling in love. My mind told me that this is what you do when you truly love someone. You overlook all the stupid small stuff.

The past year and a half have continued to enforce those feelings. We may have had a rough patch here or there but I always go back to the fact that I love him. A friend of mine once said that when you love someone so much and are at a certain point in your relationship, it's going to take one of you to kill the other to end a relationship. While I laughed at the severity of part of her comment, I find it's true. When you love someone as much as I do him, regardless of the little squabbles, you find that love gets you through it.

On Monday night I found myself holding a towel around Adam's broken and garbage bagged foot while he was taking a shower. As hot soapy water splashed all over the floor (which is enough to drive a clean freak like me crazy) I couldn't help but think, I love this man. I know I'm not the easiest guy to live with, let alone be with but he puts up with me and I know it's because he loves me just as much as I love him.

Fear Or Else

Today our fearless leader (I think he's fearless because he's completely CLUELESS) said "Failure in Iraq will have severe consequences for your children."

IF WE BRING HOME THE TROOPS YOUR KIDS WILL DIE! ALL OF THEM!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!! FEAR EVERYTHING! DON'T THINK FOR YOURSELVES! DO AS I SAY!!! WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME???


How much more of this are Americans going to put up with?

Hot Pants

A woman is sitting on an airplane. She's in her late 40's to early 50's. She's clearly goes to the same plastic surgeon as Joan Rivers. Hell, she'd make Joan Rivers look like she's only been to see the good doctor once. Her attire is a halter top and skin-tight jeans. In her lap is a script for a movie or television show. The plane is sweltering but the woman is freezing. She asks over and over again why it's so cold. A blanket is given. Her vent is turned off but to no avail, the woman is still freezing. The flight attendant shrugs and just stands there when the elderly lady next to the frequent plastic surgery patient says "Maybe if you had more clothes on you wouldn't be so cold!" The flight attendant proceeds to pee a little in his/her pants.

Late Night Unwinding

It's been a while since I've written a good tirade, so without further ado...

Why do people think it's OK to put their feet up on walls, seats, stools, etc....? You're not at home, don't put your nasty feet where they don't belong.

Just because something is offered to you for free, doesn't mean you need 4 or 5 of them.

Sir, your fat ass six year old son does not need 4 refills of Sprite. How about some water? Or an exercise regimen?

They way to get some one's attention is NOT to poke them in the side or back. Ever heard of the words "Excuse Me?"

Parents, if you are not going to consistently enforce rules and manners, don't do it only half the time. The rest of us don't want to listen to you child scream at the top of their lungs for hours on end.

To a certain co-worker... why are you always in my way? I'm trying to do my job and you're all up in my business. Why?

Ma'am, do you think I'm talking to you because I have nothing better to do? No. I'm trying to give you information, so please don't act like I'm trying to take away your first born child.

The preceding tirade has been brought to you buy the consumer of a strong Canadian Club and Sprite.

Flashback

Do you have a friend that you used to be really close to and then for no other reason than different lives, you slowly drift apart? My friend Adrienne and I are that way. We used to work together and had blast. When we were apart we talked at least five times a day, if not more. We would talk about what was going on in our lives or talk about nothing at all. About two (maybe three) years ago, she decided to quit and spend more time with her kids. I was upset but knew it was for the right reasons. We promised we'd stay in touch but like most things, we started to talk less and less. We both had things to deal with. Her with her kids, me with being a crazy twenty something.

A few months ago, I found myself in Albuquerque where she lives. We were able to get together and have a great dinner. We picked up where we left off 2 or 3 years ago. It was like nothing had changed, talking about everything and nothing. When I left her that night we promised to keep in touch better.

I've probably talked to her once since that time. I'm not blaming anyone, like I said, we both have our lives to lead. She called me last month for my birthday and I finally called her back this afternoon. Again, it was like old times. Gossiping and catching up I had a flash back to all those nights we'd sit on the phone for hours. I miss those nights. I miss my friend. We both have moved on with our lives but I know that if I needed to talk to her about something really important she'd be there for me in a second.

After I got off the phone with her today I made a promise to myself that I am going to make an effort to call her more often. Not five times a day like I used to but more than I do now, if for nothing else than to talk about nothing.

Walkers, Carling, And Pim's

Wow, It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been relaxing and spent some time across the pond, hence the absence.

First things first. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...For those of you from Texas, Texas is NOT the only place in America, OK? The rest of us in America get it, you're proud. Now please STOP telling us all the time!

So, while in the UK I watched a couple of shows. One was Deal or No Deal. I'm addicted to the US version so I was pleasantly surprised to find it has a British Version, or maybe the US version is a take on the British version, who knows. It's a little different but the same concept and it had me hooked the minute I turned to it, much like the one here does. The second show was called The Jeremy Kyle Show. It's their version of Jerry Springer except I think Mr. Kyle actually wants to help the people who come on his show. The particular episode was about a mom who's daughter gets into violent fights with her boyfriend because they both don't know how to control their anger. What made it all the more dramatic was that the daughter was pregnant. I was glued to the TV. Why, I have no idea but I found it oddly fascinating. There is also a show called Golden Balls. I never got the premise of the show but was drawn to it for no other reason than the name.

I went back to work today after 3 weeks off for vacation. While I enjoyed every damn minute of not working, I am wondering if it's a good thing to take 3 weeks off. It still remains to be seen how well I'll adjust to being back to work.